The worst feeling in the world...

 When I am seeing a friend who is hiring so bad. Watching their pain, and having my heart break for them. When there is nothing I can do to help. This is the worst feeling in the world. I wish I could be the hero. I wish there were a way for me to fix everything. The truth is, that this desire is not reachable.

I am learning more and more of the importance prayer plays. In the midst of a broken heart, in the midst of experiencing pain, when I feel helpless; these are the times that I am learning that prayer, more that ever is the most important thing that I can do. It should be my first instinct. 

I often tell God, that I have no idea how to pray. All I know is that I need His help more than anything.

Summer Time

Summer is almost here...FINALLY!
I am excited for my first summer at Cran-Hill Ranch. This summer I will be doing a rotation of Lifeguarding and Counseling. I can't wait to see the ways that God will move this summer. I am excited to meet all of the summer staffers, and get to know them. It seems like the staff is going to be a great one. As much as I am excited for the summer to start, I am also really excited for the fall to come. In case you didn't know, I will be attending Cornerstone University to study Youth Ministry. This seems to be a great fit for me, and I wait in anticipation for the plans that God has for me there in Grand Rapids!


"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38

The Trivial and the Eternal

A thought came across my mind recently. How often, do I devote time and energy to things that hold no eternal value? It is so easy to get caught up in the trivial, or frivolous things, that our purpose and meaning get lost, and may even be defined my them. I want to live a life that doesn't dwells on the unimportant, but rather a life that strives to fulfill its purpose. I want eve breath I take, and every move I make to be glorifying to Him. I want my life to be a testimony of the love, the grace, the forgiveness, of my God. My journey here on earth is one of a continual stretching toward the heart of God. Is what I'm doing in each moment, glorifying to God? Am I maintaining that 'eternal' mindset?


"Love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your should and with all your strength."
Mark 12:30

"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified."
1 Corinthians 2:2

Learning to be content...

Today in church the pastor spoke abut the necessity of being content with where we are and what we have. To be satisfied with where God has us, and not reaching outside our means to find our satisfaction. We all have our situations and circumstances, and we can say 'Well that guy seems better off than I do, there is no way I can be content.' The truth of the matter is, we are all called to content with what we have. We see this in Philippians 4:11-13

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

It is easy to look to our finances, our material possessions, or whatever we want for our source of contentment, but it is only in Christ where we will find the strength and the peace to be content in the circumstances that God has us in. Jesus Christ is the key to finding joy, fulfillment, strength. God, help me to be joyful in where you have me, with what you provide for me, and to remember that you are the source.

The Pursuit of Healing

What a crazy past few weeks. Lately I feel like I have been the front seat passenger on an emotional roller coaster that I am not ready to handle. My life is changing, which is not a bad thing. It hurts, and it is painful, but I know that God is working up something great.  In the past week, I have moved to Cran-Hill Ranch. The process of adjusting to a new lifestyle, a new way of doing things is hard. Emotionally I am all over the place. I am trying to live in the present. To enjoy what I am doing now, and be excited about what I am doing. It's a hard thing for me. I am excited to be on this journey with God, but it's hard not to feel alone in my circumstances. I am learning to recognize the wounds that I have. The deep seeded emotional wounds that I have. Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I hurt the way I do? Why is is so hard for me to be real with people? These are all questions that I am learning how to answer for myself. This is all the process of healing.

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds." Hosea 6:1

Recently I read in 'My Utmost for His Highest' this devotional, and it hits right at home for me.

"The first thing that God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away in self-pity, and all so-called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not, He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says.--"Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart." 

-Oswald Chambers

Let Go

For the past week I have had the words 'Let Go' written on my hand. Why would I write that on my hand? I often write things on my hand to remind me of the attitude that I need to keep. I use my hands for pretty much everything that I do on a daily basis. Every time I look at my hand I get a 'handy' reminder of what my attitude should be. Letting go is something that I have been learning to do a lot of lately. My life belongs to Christ. I am not my own. I need to constantly remind myself to let go of my need for control, in both my life, and in my experiences with others.  It is so easy to get trapped in thinking about the future, and wanting to 'do my part.' The truth is that God can handle it. There is nothing that I can do to improve on God's plan. it is definitely easier said than done. Letting Go. The concept that I will probably be learning my whole life. Right now, I am learning to let go of my slight need to feel responsible for other people and their actions. I am letting go of my need for control over my life. Let go, and let God!

"Let the Water Rise"

  I have begun to figure out that some part of me wants to believe that I want life to be easy; that I want things to go according to 'plans' (whatever that means). In reality life is not that simple. Life is not that easy. It is so easy to get into that mindset though. When it seems that life is normal, we lose our sense of reality. This life is not easy. Hard stuff will happen. It's not exactly desirable to go through the hard things in life, but it all depends on the perspective that we are looking through. If we look at life, look at the hard times through the eyes of this world, then the hard times we face and even some of the good times we face will be veiled with misconstrued motives. We will struggle or even fail to see the 'bigger picture' or maybe even fail to realize that there is a 'bigger picture.' When we look at our life, the hard times and the good times through the eves of God, there is hope for something better. A life purpose that far outweighs any thing that I can, or anyone else could ever imagine. It's easy to see God in the good and blessed things that come into our lives, but when trials come, and the slope becomes slippery its easy to get a fogged view of the reason that life has taken this turn. When we view these hard times, the slippery slopes, that we face in life, God gives us the opportunity to trust Him even more. We can set our feet on the firm rocks that God has provided us. We can rest in the fact that God is good. He has a plan, and that He is working for the good of me. He never gives up, even when I feel like I can't go on. He will always finish what He has started. I am excited to see where God takes me, what he has planned for me. I seize the oppurtunity to trust Him with my life, to let go, and follow Him.